We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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