I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
