If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
