I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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