I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
