and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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