just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
