I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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