508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize