Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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