You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
