How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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