I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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