I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
