ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
