I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize