Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
