i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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