If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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