A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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