happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
