You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
