I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
