im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
