Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize