You're earring is so big in my mouth
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
