Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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