and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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