I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
