i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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