OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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