new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
