Yo dont text me then not text me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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