Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
