So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
