after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
