mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
