i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
