this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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