why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
