just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
