I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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