when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
