i was born a porn star she said
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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