You're earring is so big in my mouth
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
