That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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