Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
