why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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