i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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