Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
