Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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