I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize