I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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