I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I supernannyed him into submission
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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