We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
