I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
