you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
