She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize