i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
