I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
