apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
