she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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