Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
