You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
