Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
