After last night, I could never be a politician.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
