and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We have started to decorate penises.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize