The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
