well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
