i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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