So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
