So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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