2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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