this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
