apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
