Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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