dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
