Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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