Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
