Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
