I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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