Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
