I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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