I'm drive I can fine osifer
that's an acceptable place to lick
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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