my vag is so smooth its legendary
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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