i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
