I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
