I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
