1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
