you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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