If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
where are my eyebrows?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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