Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
