I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
whose ass print is on the piano?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
