no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
