Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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